Last night I remembered this blog. I cringed at the thought of revisiting the thoughts of my younger self. With great reluctancy -yet a handful of curiosity- I skimmed through some of my posts, prematurely ashamed at the potential immaturity and ridiculousness I thought I might encounter..
To my surprise, my teenage thoughts wasn’t as cringe worthy as I had believed. I strolled down memory lane as I read what had been in my mind during those times. Heartbreaks, depression, the stress of moving to a new state with nothing but a clean slate. At first, I saw just how far I’ve come along. I have overcome depression, it’s been FOUR years since my last panic disorder episode! Not only have I seen my progress, I have seen my regression. I lost some of the things that make me, me. My hobbies and interests have been forgotten about as I’m busy finding my purpose in life. I rediscovered my absolute love for cooking/baking, and last but not least, my love for writing.
All that reminded me of the things I love most in the world. I have been so caught up in growing up and becoming an adult that I have forgotten what makes me genuinely happy. The things that make me come alive in life are the ones that at the mere thought of it, brightens up my countenance .
I have struggled with insecurities as a writer. Taking a break from school hasn’t helped either. It’s increased my insecurities.. “I’m not creative enough, not good enough, I’ll never get a following..” Those fears, which in fact are quite normal, have kept me from doing what I love to do. As normal as insecurities might be, I tend to left insecurities cripple my life. It’s been years since I’ve been inspired to blog this crippling fear has obstructed my passion.
This is just me wanting to start fresh again. Whether or not I make sense to people, I want to start sharing ideas, feelings, and thoughts again. This time with no restraint and not an ounce of worry.
My entries may be personal, small thoughts, recipes, music covers, I don’t know exactly but all I do know is that I am going to find myself again, and challenge the writer within. I might feel embarrassed after posting anything, and a little inexperienced and inadequate.. But I know I have been through a lot during my life that all I want to do now is inspire others.. Even if that means writing about those every day, and very real struggles. I wish my story could reach at least one person that is walking in the same path I once walked through… Hope this finds you… I also hope you follow along.
xx Mera xx